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Aug. 7th, 2006 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nerdanel_the_wise[OOC: This piece is being used, but it is part of Path Not Taken. As Mary Anne absorbs the power of the tarot in small ways, she sees the paths, can see the various outcomes. This is NOT Millicanon. It is a VISION, and ONLY a VISION. It is a WHAT IF only thing. Nothing more. Námo and Nerdanel IC have no knowledge of these events. They weren't there for them, technically.]
The library is large, bright, full of windows and books. There are comfortable, worn chairs and sofas scattered around the room, and half-finished books left on the tables.
Nerdanel closes the door, taking Gabriel from Mary Anne, and looks beyond her to the tall, gangly youth that looked very much like her.
"Nelyo, please take Gabriel outside? Play with him?"
Maedhros smiles, accepting his brother into his arms, and after casting an interested look at the human, slips from the room while Gabriel yammers at him about the Bar.
Nerdanel sighs, leaning against a nearby table, and looks at Mary Anne. "Welcome to my home."
The library is large, bright, full of windows and books. There are comfortable, worn chairs and sofas scattered around the room, and half-finished books left on the tables.
Nerdanel closes the door, taking Gabriel from Mary Anne, and looks beyond her to the tall, gangly youth that looked very much like her.
"Nelyo, please take Gabriel outside? Play with him?"
Maedhros smiles, accepting his brother into his arms, and after casting an interested look at the human, slips from the room while Gabriel yammers at him about the Bar.
Nerdanel sighs, leaning against a nearby table, and looks at Mary Anne. "Welcome to my home."
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Date: 2006-08-10 07:42 am (UTC)I've been a bad, bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And yet he does.
And it's a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy just because she can
Dark, dark eyes on her, just her and God help her, but she does love to hear him scream.
It's the sound, the look in his eyes, on his face, the way he falls apart that drives her off the edge. She flings her arms around his neck, levering herself up to bury her own cry in the flesh of his shoulder.
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Date: 2006-08-10 07:53 am (UTC)I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
Carefully, he moves from atop her, falling to his back as he stares at nothing.
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
Would he care?
Even with a lover by his side, his thoughts returned. Always returned.
He balls his hands at his sides, clenching his jaw. He doesn't know whether to scream or cry.
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:01 am (UTC)My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned.
She coils and uncoils a lock of hair around her fingers in a gesture she's only half-aware of.
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
make an exception." I am not worried.
She wonders if he even remembers she's there right now. If he ever will.
Wrap her up in a package of lies,
Send her off to a coconut island.
She can't scream and she refuses to cry, so she settles for gritting her teeth.
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions.
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:12 am (UTC)The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
He turns his head to her.
"You are not forgotten when the seed is spent, Mary Anne," he murmurs. His eyes hold the heaviness of sadness, but not regret. He doesn't regret what they've done.
It was just one more thing, one more sin to add to the tally.
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
The Vala unclenches his hand and cups her cheek.
"You did not come here for this, so why did you give it?" he asks, then shakes his head. "Do not answer that. I do not want to know."
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
He exhales a deep breath, his hand dropping from her face.
"I wish I could undo it all, wren. From beginning to the end. Is that regret?" he asks faintly, uncertain.
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:21 am (UTC)It does not bother me to say this isn't love.
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love.
She cups his hand in hers, lifting it to press a kiss to the palm. "You would not have asked if you did not want to know," she murmurs.
And I guess I'm gonna have to live with that.
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey,
"But I will keep my silence if that's what you want."
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name if that's what you mean.
She's quiet for a moment, thinking about his question. "...would you redo it all, but differently?"
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:26 am (UTC)Legends can be now and forever
Teaching us to reach for goodness sake
"I would not do it all."
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:32 am (UTC)But I'm not gonna break and I'm not gonna worry about it anymore.
"I didn't know..."
I'm not gonna bend, and I'm not gonna break.
that it hurt so much you regretted so much give it all of it up until you're just dying of being alone in a cold hall but the only problem is you can't die and you don't know enough to regret it you would give up all of this and I cannot wrap my mind around it forgive me
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore.
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:40 am (UTC)Hear the music of love eternal
"He has life. He will have more children. He will have all he ever wished for in his first life. While he potters around Milliways, I rattle around here. A son grows and clings to a memory that will fade quickly enough. I ask you, is it fair? Is it right, all the choices made thus far?"
Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom
To believe in the good in man
Námo sighs, closing his eyes.
"But it would be like a ripple in the pond. Change one thing, my coming to Milliways, and you change so much else. If I could take the memories from my own mind, leaving everyone else their hard-won prizes, I think it would be best."
Seems like I've gone off the side of a mountain
Couldn't be sure I was even alive
His voice sounds sure, but if his eyes were open, she could see the hint in their depths.
The hint of doubt.
Would he truly give up all? Give up everything Gorlim had made him? Trade all of that to be rid of the loneliness and sadness?
Fallen from the icy heights
Landed with a broken cry
Best he never know.
He was stuck, just as every other being was.
In this valley of shadow
and sorrow and sighs
And, somehow, he would learn to live with it.
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:45 am (UTC)I am not worried 'cause I've done this sort of thing before.
"No, it wouldn't," she murmurs, lips brushing skin.
But then I start to think about the consequences
"Because I don't want to think about if we (I) had to see you like that."
And I don't get no sleep in a quiet room
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:49 am (UTC)You came along like a flash of pure lightning
Crashed into my life like a runaway star
"If the memories were gone? I would not come where you could see me, wren. But it is a moot point, is it not? There is no way to take from me what my own Creator sees as a rightful punishment."
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:53 am (UTC)Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing.
"Then so we all are punished with affection and long memories."
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:55 am (UTC)"Some much longer than others." His eyes slips shut again, against the darkening sky outside his room. Another night. "Will you stay? Just one night?"
It was all he could ask for.
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Date: 2006-08-10 08:59 am (UTC)"Oh, beautiful."
She kisses him lightly, the barest brush of lips. One might almost call it chaste. "Of course."
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Date: 2006-08-10 09:03 am (UTC)He doesn't sob.
He can't.
Námo is soul-weary, and tears won't come.
So, he clings to her. Someone warm. Familiar. Someone who does care about him, who isn't playing a role, and she is treasured for that.