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[nerdanel_the_wise]

[OOC: This piece is being used, but it is part of Path Not Taken. As Mary Anne absorbs the power of the tarot in small ways, she sees the paths, can see the various outcomes. This is NOT Millicanon. It is a VISION, and ONLY a VISION. It is a WHAT IF only thing. Nothing more. Námo and Nerdanel IC have no knowledge of these events. They weren't there for them, technically.]


The library is large, bright, full of windows and books. There are comfortable, worn chairs and sofas scattered around the room, and half-finished books left on the tables.

Nerdanel closes the door, taking Gabriel from Mary Anne, and looks beyond her to the tall, gangly youth that looked very much like her.

"Nelyo, please take Gabriel outside? Play with him?"

Maedhros smiles, accepting his brother into his arms, and after casting an interested look at the human, slips from the room while Gabriel yammers at him about the Bar.

Nerdanel sighs, leaning against a nearby table, and looks at Mary Anne. "Welcome to my home."

Comments

[song_tra_bong]

She leaves kisses like a chain around his throat. Nails and fingertips weave patterns up and down his ribs. Her hands settle eventually on his hips and she tugs him closer (deeper harder more).
don't you want somebody to love
She tilts her head to whisper in his ear, "I will not break." where you can see

[namo]

Words.
The sky is burning
A sea of flame
He looks down at her.

He needed to speak.

"I know," he murmurs.
Though your world is changing
I will be the same
But he can't say what would follow. He can't say to his current bedpartner that his previous one couldn't--didn't like anything more than what he gave to her.
The storm is breaking
Or so it seems
He was old.

He could learn a new dance step.
We're too young to reason
Too grown up to dream
Námo kisses her suddenly, hard and demanding, thrusting his hips forward sharply, letting his body dictate what it wanted.

What it needed.

[song_tra_bong]

Her cry is lost in his mouth.
we are compelled to do what we must do
She rakes her nails up his back, ducking her head to renew her attentions on his throat. Skin is mapped with lips and tongue; she spares a bite for his collarbone.
we are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

[namo]

I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
Her nails on his back are delicious in their pain. He arches his back into them, silently asking for more.

Pain.

Love.

Hate.

Heat.

Need.
I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
He wants to feel. Feel something more than the blackness inside him. So much darkness now: self-hatred, bitterness, anger. All of it trapped. Nowhere to run, nowhere to bleed, no way to bleed.

But now...

...now there was a way.
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
His body moves to its own demands, thrusting and withdrawing without heed to anything but that pivotal moment of blissful mindlessness. His hand finds its way into her hair, presses her mouth closer.

"Bite," he hisses, fingers tightening just a little.

He couldn't do this to Ruin, not with that face staring up at him.
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me
But he could ask now.

He could take.

He could be taken.

[song_tra_bong]

She growls a little, at the command more than the pressure.

She waits just long enough until it seems she might be ignoring him.
this act of defiance
And then she bites at the juncture of neck and shoulder, working her lower jaw to ensure a bruise. She swipes her tongue over the angry mark, lifting her head a fraction.
we keep this secret in our blood
"That what you had in mind?"

[namo]

A deep moan as his head falls forward, face hidden by his hair, brow against her shoulder. But his pace never falters.
and if I hurt you then I'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy
"Yes," he groans.
it's to dying in anothers arms
and why I had to try it
He tilts his head back again, gripping the bed with his hands, and thrusts forward forcefully, gasping quietly as his throat throbs.

[song_tra_bong]

Her breath catches.
I feel your arms surrounding me
"Perfect."
I've always been a coward
But quiet from him will never do.
and I don't know what's good for me
She latches on next to the original mark, partially overlapping it with a new series of bites and nips that trail gradually up his neck but not quite to his earlobe.

[namo]

It's an inarticulate he makes. Something between a moan and a shrill cry, and then he is panting hotly against her ear.
Tell me why
I'm left here alone
"Please," he manages, not certain what he was asking.

But he knew.

He wanted her to wash it all away. Make him forget everything but pleasure of the body, pain of the body. Wash away the pleasures and pains of the heart.
I search for your voice
But I should've known
Even if it was only for one moment. Only a breath.

All he wanted was a moment's respite from the need and want. Things he hadn't known until only a year ago.

only a year? yes, only a year... a year... of kisses and laughter and trials and tears and so much--
That if only for a moment
You'd be with me
Warmth on her shoulders, a shuddery intake of breath, but his assault on her body doesn't stop. His breathless pleas for deliverance never cease.
Pretending to believe
That I am not afraid
His mind wants to reach out.

His heart wants to cradled its love close.

And he squeezes his eyes tight, release coiling low in his belly.
And tell me did you know
That I still can let you go

[song_tra_bong]

She hurts and it's beautiful and (blood? sweat? tears?) it's not enough to make her wish to stop.

"Open your eyes."

The words are gentle, but command nonetheless. She wants to see him, and some selfish part of her wants him to see her. To know who he's with. (no pretending not now not like this)

She locks her legs around him, mouth creeping up his throat. She drags her tongue along the curve of his ear, then takes the lobe in her teeth. "Come for me."

She tugs.

[namo]

He doesn't want to look.

But he does.

(as he began, so must he wend
from first false step to faithless end)
So here I slave inside of a broken dream
Forever holding on to splitting seams
He lifts his head, moves his ear from her mouth and looks at her, sapphire eyes black with feeling, but he sees her.

No one but her in this moment.
So take your piece and leave me alone to die
I don't need you to keep my faith alive
Her quiet command pulls him over, and his body does as her lips demanded. His hands fist in the sheets as he resists the urge to toss back his head--

--but he can't resist for long as he rides that wave of orgasm, and his eyes stare at the ceiling unseeing as he cries out his pleasure. Whether Nerdanel hears or not, whether all of Aman hears him or not, doesn't matter. There was nothing but the sensation of emptying pleasure, and he grasps onto it for as long as he can.
And my rapture
You won't believe
And deep inside you will bleed for me

[song_tra_bong]

She hadn't been certain he'd look.
I've been a bad, bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And yet he does.
And it's a sad, sad world
When a girl will break a boy just because she can
Dark, dark eyes on her, just her and God help her, but she does love to hear him scream.

It's the sound, the look in his eyes, on his face, the way he falls apart that drives her off the edge. She flings her arms around his neck, levering herself up to bury her own cry in the flesh of his shoulder.

[namo]

All things end, though, and the euphoric high of climax falters, peters out.
I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
Carefully, he moves from atop her, falling to his back as he stares at nothing.
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
Would he care?

Even with a lover by his side, his thoughts returned. Always returned.

He balls his hands at his sides, clenching his jaw. He doesn't know whether to scream or cry.
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn

[song_tra_bong]

She curls onto her side, just watching him.
My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing."
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned.
She coils and uncoils a lock of hair around her fingers in a gesture she's only half-aware of.
My friend implores me, "For one time only,
make an exception." I am not worried.
She wonders if he even remembers she's there right now. If he ever will.
Wrap her up in a package of lies,
Send her off to a coconut island.
She can't scream and she refuses to cry, so she settles for gritting her teeth.
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions.

[namo]

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
He turns his head to her.

"You are not forgotten when the seed is spent, Mary Anne," he murmurs. His eyes hold the heaviness of sadness, but not regret. He doesn't regret what they've done.

It was just one more thing, one more sin to add to the tally.
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
The Vala unclenches his hand and cups her cheek.

"You did not come here for this, so why did you give it?" he asks, then shakes his head. "Do not answer that. I do not want to know."
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
He exhales a deep breath, his hand dropping from her face.

"I wish I could undo it all, wren. From beginning to the end. Is that regret?" he asks faintly, uncertain.

[song_tra_bong]

She would flinch to hear him call it sin. If he's a sinner, what does that make her?
It does not bother me to say this isn't love.
Because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love.
She cups his hand in hers, lifting it to press a kiss to the palm. "You would not have asked if you did not want to know," she murmurs.
And I guess I'm gonna have to live with that.
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey,
"But I will keep my silence if that's what you want."
Or something in between,
And I can always change my name if that's what you mean.
She's quiet for a moment, thinking about his question. "...would you redo it all, but differently?"

[namo]

He shakes his hand, lacing his fingers with hers.
Legends can be now and forever
Teaching us to reach for goodness sake
"I would not do it all."

[song_tra_bong]

"Oh."
But I'm not gonna break and I'm not gonna worry about it anymore.
"I didn't know..."
I'm not gonna bend, and I'm not gonna break.
that it hurt so much you regretted so much give it all of it up until you're just dying of being alone in a cold hall but the only problem is you can't die and you don't know enough to regret it you would give up all of this and I cannot wrap my mind around it forgive me
And I'm not going to worry about it anymore.

[namo]

He smiles at her.
Hear the music of love eternal
"He has life. He will have more children. He will have all he ever wished for in his first life. While he potters around Milliways, I rattle around here. A son grows and clings to a memory that will fade quickly enough. I ask you, is it fair? Is it right, all the choices made thus far?"
Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom
To believe in the good in man
Námo sighs, closing his eyes.

"But it would be like a ripple in the pond. Change one thing, my coming to Milliways, and you change so much else. If I could take the memories from my own mind, leaving everyone else their hard-won prizes, I think it would be best."
Seems like I've gone off the side of a mountain
Couldn't be sure I was even alive
His voice sounds sure, but if his eyes were open, she could see the hint in their depths.

The hint of doubt.

Would he truly give up all? Give up everything Gorlim had made him? Trade all of that to be rid of the loneliness and sadness?
Fallen from the icy heights
Landed with a broken cry
Best he never know.

He was stuck, just as every other being was.
In this valley of shadow
and sorrow and sighs
And, somehow, he would learn to live with it.

[song_tra_bong]

She brushes a kiss over his knuckles.
I am not worried 'cause I've done this sort of thing before.
"No, it wouldn't," she murmurs, lips brushing skin.
But then I start to think about the consequences
"Because I don't want to think about if we (I) had to see you like that."
And I don't get no sleep in a quiet room

[namo]

He chuckles, kissing her brow.
You came along like a flash of pure lightning
Crashed into my life like a runaway star
"If the memories were gone? I would not come where you could see me, wren. But it is a moot point, is it not? There is no way to take from me what my own Creator sees as a rightful punishment."

[song_tra_bong]

She smiles.
Oh Lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing.
"Then so we all are punished with affection and long memories."

[namo]

A lift of a dark eyebrow.

"Some much longer than others." His eyes slips shut again, against the darkening sky outside his room. Another night. "Will you stay? Just one night?"

It was all he could ask for.

[song_tra_bong]

It was the least he could ask for.

"Oh, beautiful."

She kisses him lightly, the barest brush of lips. One might almost call it chaste. "Of course."

[namo]

Suddenly she is wrapped in his arm, clutched close.

He doesn't sob.

He can't.

Námo is soul-weary, and tears won't come.

So, he clings to her. Someone warm. Familiar. Someone who does care about him, who isn't playing a role, and she is treasured for that.